The Editors and Syndics of Glob Press once again welcome the readership of the world to sip lightly at the Pierian spring that is this feature. We shall say nothing about the recent tempest that has wracked the vast commercial argosy of Consolidated Glob. In all the indictments handed up thus far, our escutcheon has emerged unblemished, unlike those of the journals and miscellaneous media that purport to circulate unbiased views of the proceedings.
Suffice it to say that the sweltering bit foundries of the Glib Lady (as we affectionately call her) are decidely illiquid and undesirable assets, so that any embezzlement that may (or may not) have been committed by parties unknown (or recently indicted) was (or was not) committed at a far remove from our operations. Our chief counsel has certified the above statement as accurate, with the understanding that it is largely fiction, but verifiably so.
Nevertheless, legal matters have weighed on our minds so heavily of late that we have commissioned a vital new study of crimes of the future. Watch this space for an exhaustive catalogue of heinous offenses that are yet to be.