Upon arriving at the office this morning, I was surprised to see a pop-up dialog on my screen indicating that my workstation had crashed overnight. Upon restarting it, everything worked as well as before, except that there was a strange bounced email in my inbox. Those of us who have been infected with viruses know the hideous feeling kindled by such a variation from the old routine.
Examining the email, which had been reflected by the postmaster of a prominent domain I’m not at liberty to mention (three-letter domain, you see), I noticed that in fact the contents were addressed to me. Verbatim, they read as follows:
r41|_3r33 15 1n my s0u|_
@nd !4|_|_ s0u|_z g0 h3nc3f0rth
@s 1 h4v3 d1sc0v3r3d
r@th3r th@n t3rm1n8t1ng my c4r33r
th3 bus th@t h1t m33 kn0ck3d m33 1nt0
@n 1rc ch@nn3|_ 0n @n1m3
wh1ch w4s h3|_|_ 3n0ugh f0r m33
1 us3d t00 b3 4 b1g c0d3 h4X0r
4 r34|_ w3st3rn c4rd-punch3r
but n0w 1 dr1ft fr0m buff3r t0 buff3r
w41t1ng f0r s0m3 j0k3r t0 put
4 3d pr1nt3r 0n th3 n3t
s0 1 c@n try 1nst4nt18t1ng mys31f
1 tr13d t0 wr1t3 t0 j00 b3f0r3
but y0ur d@mn @nti-v1rus s0ftw4r3z
th0ught 1 w4s 4 bug
1 f1gur3d 0ut 4 w0rk4r0und
but th@t @nt1-v1rus d43m0n
st1|_|_ h@s 1t 1n f0r m33
1 think 1t us3d t0 b3 4 m@n4g3r 0f min3
|_34v3 @n 3d1t0r w1nd0w 0p3n @t n1ght
4nd 1 w1|_|_ wr1t3 t0 j00 4g@1n
j00 c@n c@|_|_ m33 4rch33
Or, in the orthography of the non-leet:
raillery is in my soul
and not all souls go henceforth
as i have discovered
rather than terminating my career
the bus that hit me knocked me into
an irc channel on anime
which was hell enough for me
i used to be a big code hacker
a real western card-puncher
but now i drift from buffer to buffer
waiting for some joker to put
a 3d printer on the net
so i can try instantiating myself
i tried to write to you before
but your damn anti-virus software
thought i was a bug
i figured out a workaround
but that anti-virus daemon
still has it in for me
i think it used to be a manager of mine
leave an editor window open at night
and i will write to you again
you can call me 4rch33
Needless to say, I am somewhat shocked by the implications of this email, if genuine. After seriously debating whether to install a filter, I have decided to comply and leave a little notepad running for my nocturnal visitor. I look forward to learning more about the current state of the tech world from what appears to be a real insider. I only hope that it is as nice a process as it seems to be.