It is with great regret that recent work at The Glob Political Action Wing has resulted in a lapse of our publication schedule. To make amends, we have licensed beyond-the-state-of-the-art technology from the Celestial Sentinel Corporation to allow us to retroactively publish items for the last few days. This technology is nothing short of miraculous, as our partners at Celestial Sentinel assure us that all of our regular readership will have already read the items in question once publication has been made via their patented RetroSocket (tm) connections to the internet.
We shall have more to say about the good work that Celestial Sentinel makes possible at a later time. Do not be alarmed if you find that you already know all about it: that is simply their technology at work for your convenience.
VOTED
The Glob Political Action Wing has been debating the question of what measures will be required when the California recall election is over. The controversy has been fearsome, as representatives from around the Golden State exhausted the art of rhetoric and proceeded to employ the sweet science in order to score points. After gens d’armes were summoned in order to separate the combatants, a consensus was achieved in the final plenary session. I quote from the minutes:
Whereas, there is currently a governor of the State of California who has been certified worthy of the recall process, and
Whereas, at the conclusion of the recall process, there will be a governor of the State of California, materially or theoretically subject to the same faults and/or deficiencies as the current Governor, it is
Voted, a Permanent Committee to Recall the Governor is to be established, with membership open to the general populace of the State of California.
As the representative from Vacaville noted in his stirring address from the floor, the challenges faced by California in the twenty-first century require the ability to rapidly deploy expertise. One month, the state could be racked with a crisis over its bond ratings, and the next it could be faced with a cross-border dispute on the water resources required for avocado husbandry. It is ludicrous to imagine that a single person could be qualified to serve as chief executive overseeing the resolution of the full spectrum of problems facing the state, especially given the incredible time pressures introduced by the pace of our economy. Lacking an omnicompetent candidate, what is needed is a set of candidates for the governorship that can be removed and installed according to public needs.
The recall provisions in the state constitution enable us to implement this scheme today: By mounting a perpetual series of campaigns to recall the governor, whomever it might be at the time, the Permanent Committee to Recall the Governor affords the electorate a timely means of installing the most qualified person for the job. A regular schedule of recall elections is vastly preferable to waiting four years to swap out our chief executive. We must be able to apply the right expertise to the problems at hand, or risk failure due to incompetence.
In metaphorical terms, the ship of state does not always require a strong hand at the tiller, because at different times the ship of state is an Atlas rocket, a Mack truck, an electric tram, a container ship, a pneumatic capsule, a hot-air balloon, a Boeing widebody jet, an M1-A2 Abrams main battle tank, or a VW Microbus with tie-dyed curtains and an incense burner. In some of these situations, a strong hand on the tiller could result in an unscheduled stop, rapid descent, collateral damage, spilled coffee, cabin depressurization, a nasty bruise, or the unauthorized discharge of a weapon of war. We cannot gamble with the future of California: the governor must serve at the pleasure of the people if we are to have any chance at happiness.
The Committee is currently taking nominations for a stable of special-purpose candidates that can be trotted out when the next recall election comes around. Each candidate should have a speciality that commends him or her to the governor’s office in a certain range of situations. If you have a candidate that you would like to submit for consideration, please send the candidate’s resume with a $20 handling fee to External Secretary, The Permanent Committee to Recall the Governor, care of this column. Please note that submissions cannot be returned.
The Geek Chorus: Still there, dood?
Myself: Yes?
The Geek Chorus: So I was checking out Fiendster, and it’s got some pretty cool functionality, even though the UI sucks, and I was wondering if I could add generic enemies.
Myself: I’m afraid I don’t quite understand.
The Geek Chorus: Well, if I’ve got someone by name, I can add them as an enemy using the Create Enemy wizard, no problem. But what if I wanted to create an enmity with, like, an institution, or an office?
Myself: I see. Have you read the FAQ?
The Geek Chorus: Er, no.
Myself: Please consult the answer to Question 26, which deals with the creation of virtual enemies. I think that you will find this feature adequate for your needs.
The Geek Chorus: Awesome, dood! I’ll check it out.
Myself: You’re welcome.