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Observing Editor

One adventuresome atom

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Do you know where this data has been? In order to read this page, software acting on your behalf has innocently submitted a request across the channels of the Internet and patiently held a connection open in expectation of a response. The fact that you are reading this page is proof there was a response, but what a response! A motley collection of packets that have been routed and re-routed across the face of the earth, under the sea, and bounced over microwave relays in high Earth orbit, rubbing bits at each step with packets containing the lifesblood of the Internet: spam and smut.

How can you be sure that the packets that were assembled into this page were not morally corrupted by simple proximity to these degenerate datagrams? Peer pressure is an all too real phenomenon, and even the most innocent of web pages is only a hyperlink away from depravity beyond the fleshpots of Sodom. How can you be sure that all the the bits you receive are pure and chaste?

After all, due to the prevelance of obscene spam, innocent email doesn’t stand a chance anymore. Time after time, new emails spontaneously decay into cheap come-ons by simply being spooled with a few bad messages. That note from your friend John, with the subject ‘This is interesting’, had once contained to a link to your favorite band’s home page. However, within a few milliseconds of being delivered to your inbox, a gang of solicitations for herbal viagra ‘convinced’ John’s email to change its link to a site for an Icelandic firm specializing in frozen food perversions.

With email nearly a lost cause, the Web is the next battlefield. Every time you surf, you are venturing out into polluted streams of data. The more bandwidth you have, the greater your risk of contamination: your fat pipes are an open sewer. The Internet backbone is a spineless wonder when it comes to morals. How can you keep you and your family safe from corruption? It’s easy, thanks to your friends at Celestial Sentinel.

Celestial Sentinel’s patented HappyBits™ service automatically cleans and purifies data before it’s delivered to your browser. Zero bits are thrown away and replaced with brand new zeros crafted from certifiably pure void. Each one bit is broken down into its component fractions, thoroughy washed, and then reconstituted using an infinite sum. Since the data is recreated on your machine, any dubious tendencies picked up by the original in transmission are simply whisked away.

Enjoy your Web-browsing as the innocent pleasure it should be. Make all your bits HappyBits™ today with a free trial subscription from Celestial Sentinel Corporation, the Web’s most trusted provider of purity. ‘With Celestial Sentinel, you’ve got friends in high places.’

This column is a commercial advertisement made possible by the Celestial Sentinel Corporation. Statements made in this column do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosting site or the author.