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Observing Editor

One adventuresome atom

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The publisher regrets the recent hiatus in production of this feature. On the evening of January 4, one of the office print servers choked on an extensive article detailing the theory of recursion as applied to the year in fashion. Unable to handle these reflections on the fashion world reflecting on the world of fashion reflecting on the etc., the server in question sprung a memory leak that quickly flooded our editorial offices with bits of the article. These fragments of fashion clung to every surface like pinkish glitter, preventing execution of even the simplest tasks and imperilling the masculinity of the boys at the City Desk. The building was subsequently closed for an extended period of decontamination.

The internal investigation into the cause of the incident stirred up a lot of bad feeling, such that even the editor-in-chief’s coterie of yes-men flipped their polarities. Seeing that the mood of the crew was turning against him, the editor blockaded himself in his office with a brace of pistols and the company’s entire supply of rum until the staff came to their senses. In the end, a general amnesty was declared that allowed the resumption of normal activities with regard to publication. The sole casualty was the offending print server, which was summarily defenestrated by the mob during the worst of their sobriety.


In compliance with a directive from the Department of Household Security, we submit to general notice the following list of items for which all recommendations for household use have been rescinded. These items, while generally non-threatening in and of themselves, nevertheless could be confused with actual threats that would merit vigorous, pro-active mitigation. To avoid unfortunate misunderstandings, please do not prepare, brandish, or otherwise employ

  • Torpedo brassieres
  • Grenadine
  • Bulletin boards
  • Fully automatic dishwashers
  • Mortar and pestle
  • Fresh rocket (in salads, soups, or sandwiches)
  • Bombes (any flavor)

This notice is sponsored in part by Glob Environmental Security Associates. GlobESA has staff available around the clock to respond to your domestic security emergency. Don’t hesitate to contact our helpful and friendly professional operatives for all of your household security needs. Pets and the elderly a specialty. Correspondence may be addressed to GOCC, GlobESA, care of this column.